"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."---Mark Twain

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Zombies, Aliens, Explosions, And Tinfoil

I check our local message forum every single day.    

Mostly to see if I'M on it.   

I'm not up to anything scandalous, but you don't have to be to wind up on Topix with your undies flying in a venomous cyber wind.

I never comment on a thread.    No need for me to help stir the sh......stink.

When some Dipwad posted a question last Summer about The Zombie Attack that is surely looming ahead I just rolled my eyes and went on down the list.

Toward the end of the year, someone reported weird goin's-on out by the airport.    UFO's to start with----go ahead and laugh, that's what I did----then military helicopters doin' God-Knows-What at all hours of the night.

I queried the airport manager as he is Hubby's Best Friend In The Whole Wide World and Bosslady's husband.     

Who knew absolutely nothing about anything.   

When he got a text from another buddy asking him if he had his tinfoil hat ready, he checked the boards himself.  Multiple posts about aliens and martial law.    

At first it was funny as Hell, but after a couple of phone calls from some very irate people who were awakened in the wee hours of a workday it was losing it's "Ha-Ha" Effect.

The fact that nobody with our local law enforcement had any inkling of The Approaching Zombie Apocolypse/United Nations Take-Over/Martial Law Crackdown did not help.    

The Zombies will get us for sure with this level of incompetence....................

By the way.......aliens are not NEARLY as noisy and inconsiderate in the wee-hours-of-the-morning-of-a-workday as military helicopter pilots.   

"I'm gonna post on there that it was E.T., Bigfoot, and Chupacabra holding a meeting at the end of the runway!" says the Airport Manager, who has just about lost all patience with sleep-deprived people.

He didn't do it, and things quieted down to a degree.    We even made it through the End Of The Mayan Calender with no muss, no fuss.

Now, according to a post on the boards, there are multiple unexplained explosions out by the airport.


I work out by the airport.    I can watch the planes take off and land from the back steps.    Explosions close to my workplace do not give me The Warm Fuzzies.

I'd put it in the same file as the aliens and zombies if it weren't for one little thing:

T-Bird and I have heard some odd explosive sounds and we live clear 'cross town from the airport.    On New Year's Eve we heard the usual gunfire----ten minutes worth----and some neighbor put on a very nice fireworks show.    But there were some explosions that we couldn't quite put down to guns or fireworks.

I've heard them during the night, and during the day.     I felt the floor of my trailer shake ever so slightly one afternoon when one went off somewhere.

I read several comments and then read about an idiot who had found the recipe to a by-golly explosive that I won't name here, and then..............read the name of the road my father lives on.     If you ever wondered, this is an Oh-Hell-No Moment, and yeah, I called the old man.

Getting out of the shower one night last week, sans hearing aids, he heard an explosion so loud he went outside looking for.........something.    He didn't see or hear anything else that night, but he says he's heard them before.

He lives almost ten full miles further away from the airport than I do.

Damn damn damn.    We talked to several more people and almost all of them have heard the same thing.    Some have felt their homes shake like mine did and heard the windows rattle.

ATTENTION:   I have no intention of monkeyin' around with this stuff, and neither does my husband.    Guitar players are damned fond of their digits, and I can't handle a can of biscuits exploding much less anything else.

Sooner or later one of the Explosive Idiots will blow off a few fingers---either his own or a friend's---and I am sure the local law reads the message boards and will nab this twit.

Hopefully that will happen BEFORE some shithead blows my father off of Hell Hill and I'm tellin' ya, I'll take that badly.

Then someone started a thread warning us not to be fooled by the bad aliens because the good aliens were our friends and they were blowing up the bad ones.

Today, a new post about UFO's hovering over a nearby highway.   Oh please, let these  be The Good Ones.

In the Spirit Of The Mayans I predict a shortage of Reynold's Wrap.    That Dollar Store stuff is too flimsy and you'll have to use a lot of it for protection.


  1. In scouts we used to wrap all the veggies and meat in foil and toss it in the fire.

    Whadda you think the dang aliens scouts are gonna think you are all wrapped up in foil?

    Just food for thought

    1. UH-OH Suthern! I had not considered that! GOOD POINT!!!!!! Maybe I ought to get on Topix and tell 'em they'll look like campfire groceries!

      All the aliens will have to do is grab one Topix poster to realize they've found JUNK FOOD! There cannot be any nutritional value in the folks that post that stuff.

  2. By the way.......aliens are not NEARLY as noisy and inconsiderate in the wee-hours-of-the-morning-of-a-workday as military helicopter pilots.

    Cannot describe the sensation to waking up to a Apache gunship hovering 30-some odd feet above my tent one morning. Was camping in the upstate of South Carolina with one of my brothers a few years back, the pilot and gunner of the chopper were probably training and saw our tent.

    I learned a long time ago during my time in the active army helicopter pilots are often full fledged SOB's.

    1. Beach Bum: I'd have trouble describing that sensation too! My alarm clock is bad enough!

      We had the opportunity to see an Apache gunship years ago at a local festival. It lifted off and came across a pond at eye level. Looking down those gun barrels gave us the idea that you can run, but you cannot hide. Impressive, but kinda spooky.

      The military uses our airport ever so often, and the manager will tell you that they do not have to explain what they are doin' to a small town, small time airport manager. Most of the time, they won't even speak.