"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."---Mark Twain

Monday, August 5, 2013


Finally, something to give me just a smidgen of Hope.

My name has been cleared, and it only took 33 years.      Justice Is Blind, and she's slow as fog off of shit.

Some time after I moved out on my own my father discovered one of the ornate posts that held up the upstairs porch had been damaged.  

It was a metal post that had a lot of flimsy decorative flowers worked into it, and one of the flowers was bent.

My father got "bent out of shape" over that, and I was accused, tried, and convicted.

I wasn't accused of climbing up the post.

I was accused of having a boyfriend climb up the post.    Guess what for?

First, I was a lot of things, but I was never so stupid as to try a stunt like that ACROSS THE HALL FROM DADDY.    Please, give me a little credit for some smarts.

Not much, just a little.

Secondly, there was another sister that could have had an interested, albeit suicidal, boyfriend.    But it wasn't her fault either.

I know EXACTLY how that happened.    My mother and I had managed to lock ourselves out of Mama's house.

She cannot climb up to the upstairs porch.

I was pregnant and I couldn't do it either.

We fetched my then-husband, and he went up the post---bending the damned metalwork---and we were inside in a flash.

I have told my father the truth repeatedly, but oh-Hell-no, he wasn't gonna have it.

We never did get along well together.    When my mother passed away I got some keepsakes, some nice jewelry, a city lot (complete with a trailer suitable for ANY fishcamp ANYWHERE),............and Daddy.   

For whatever reason, he decided to go over this crock one more time yesterday.    At my grand daughter's birthday party in front of people that I can barely stomach in passing.

I revoked his Senior Citizen Get Away With Bullshit Card on the spot.

"Wait just one damned minute old man!"    

I had to yell it because for some reason his hearing aides don't seem to pick up my voice.    I repeat everything I say to him all the time.    He has zero problem-o hearing the t.v..

I begged my Ex husband, in front of people, to PLEASE tell the old goat why come his damned post was bent.

I could wallow him in the dirt, hang him by the neck with birthday streamers from the pecan tree, drown him in the HUGE water slide that they had rented, or smother him facedown in pink birthday cake, but I was just hoping he'd back me up and tell Daddy the truth.

He did, and as if by magic, $5000.00 worth of hearing aides picked up his every word.

He will have my loyalty until the day he's laid out and candle lit.    He got Daddy off of my back and he has earned it.

Daddy turned to the dude sitting next to him and said:

"Don't you hate it when you've got a good one on somebody and somebody else blows it out of the water?"

Yeah.    I bet that sucks.


  1. I know how great those rare moments of vindication are. In 1978 my brother and I worked together. On the rare occasion that we rode in separate cars I always took the short cut home and he took the long way through town. Remembering that Plant City only had about 5 or so traffic lights at the time, it still should have slowed him down. He bet me a car wash and breakfast at the truck stop restaurant that his way was quicker than mine. The deal was that we would both obey the speed limits and see who got home first. Well, I got home and he was already in bed. I washed his truck, paid for his breakfast and from that day forward went through town. Again, that was 1978. In 2013 he admitted to doing 85 and running lights to beat me. He still owes me a car wash, breakfast, and probably half a dozen tanks of gas for all of the time I went the "long way".

    1. Patrick, there is no statute of limitations on sibling falsehoods! Considering the cost of gas you may have the right to sue! Or, better yet, hang his dirty laundry out like my father tried with me. If there is enough dirt on him, you can get real mileage out of it and revenge is always better than cash.

  2. Kinda funny but seems it might have been a bit aggravating all those years.

    Glad you've had your record expunged

  3. Suthern, it would have been easier to have a real criminal record expunged than to convince Daddy that I was NOT The Whore Of Babylon.
    I always hit the ceiling when he brought it up, and I think he did it just to piss me off.

    Nobody can push your buttons like family can.

  4. Yeah, I'm still on the hook for something that turned up broken in my in-laws house several years ago. It was one of those professionally done jet fighter models which somehow turned with a broken wing one morning.

    The reason they think I did it? I made the mistake of looking closely at it the previous day.

    1. Beach Bum: Some people can get an idea stuck in their heads, and you can't break 'em loose from it to save your life. It doesn't have to be truthful, fair, or reasonable.

      Sometimes the old adage "S**t Happens" applies. Not because of something someone did or didn't do, "it" just happens. But that's not as much fun as blaming someone, and dragging it out all the time.

  5. Slick its called selective dementia...damn it...! they only remember what they want to, whether its the gospel or not1

    1. I knew he suffered from selective hearing before he ever needed hearing aids, but he's gotta get a grip on his "selective dementia" because I'm gonna help select his nursing home. That should scare him into decent behavior.