"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."---Mark Twain

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Thanksgiving 2013


S'posed to take time to be Thankful for what ya got, and Thank 'bout all the Thangs y'all is Thankful fo.     I Think......

We will welcome our eighth----oh yeah, we have SEVEN----grandchild into the world in the summer.     I'm Thankful for the little ones they Gladden MY Heart, and fill me with Joy.     Watching their parents, our now-supposedly-grown children, pull their hair out and weep in frustration is pure gravy, My Friends.     Pass me a biscuit.

My Musician Hubby has been in his Musician Cave, working on a new song, and calling me to come listen.    Every.     Thirty.      Minutes.       You don't know how Thankful I am for today's technology when it comes to music equipment.    He uses headphones and has it set up to where I can't hear him usually if he's not doing vocals.    Unless he asks me to come in and put on the headphones.     Every.    Thirty.     Minutes.     I'm Thankful he's home with me, and that he wants to be here.     Nothing worse than sharing space with someone who would rather be elsewhere, and with someone else.     Trust me on this one.

The washroom at the office flooded several days ago, and you know who makes the call, drags everything out of the room for the repairman, lugs the carpet runner out to dry in the barn (in the rain, no less), and mops up the quarter inch of H2O on the floor?     The same slob that's gonna make two trips a day across town for the entire Thanksgiving Holiday----four days----caring for a geriatric retriever.     In freezing weather.     More if it rains.     I ain't gonna bitch too much because I'm Thankful to have a job, and the Brownie Points I'll get for this will come in handy.

Had to plunk down $75.00 for a load of firewood and that had to be hauled to the back yard and stacked.     I'm Thankful they started putting fireplaces in trailers, a Trailer Trash Dream Come True if there ever was one!

I had to go to three different stores to get the ingredients for Slick's Famous Chicken And Dressing for Thanksgiving dinner.      I will be swamped with kids and grandkids, in-laws, and out-laws.    I won't just go to bed Thursday night, I'll fall into it.    This year, my daughter is throwing this gig at HER house, and all I have to cook is one dish?     HER house will be trashed, not MINE?     Thankful?    OH YEAH!!!!

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.     Laugh too much.     Eat too much.    Love too much,  if you can.   

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Hands In Pockets, Mouths CLOSED

A few years ago I heard this on our scanner:

Dispatcher:   "We need a couple of units to go out to the cemetery.    A fight started up at a service at the funeral home and the family is afraid it's gonna start back up at graveside."

Tsk, tsk, tsk.    The one time you'd think a family would pull together......it takes the police department to keep 'em apart.    

That's a lack of Home Trainin' right there.

In my very best Redneck let me say:   "You don't be belongin' to fight at no graveside!"

Translation:    Don't fight at the damned funeral.

Fighting at a funeral is just ignorant.    That's what the viewing is for.   

When my mother passed away, my ex-brother-in-law used the viewing to beg my sister to let him move back into the house.        Had he not been drunk---the very reason for the divorce--- and swaying back and forth on his pins when he made his pitch (beside Mama's coffin) with beer on his breath he might have fared better than he did.     He wouldn't have gotten her back, but he wouldn't have been cussed out quite as badly.
     When she saw him carrying Mama to the hole as pallbearer the following morning it pissed her off to The Highest Point of  Pissitivity and I thought it would come to blows after the last "Amen".     I felt a disturbance in The Force.
     She nailed Daddy at the earliest available moment.....right after the last "Amen".    Daddy explained that he himself had asked the man to be a pallbearer, and that's the only reason he lived to drink another day.
The funeral for Sonny's girlfriend's mother was last week, and I knew from the viewing it could go badly.

My son's girlfriend is the mother of my youngest daughter's husband.    Son and Youngest are not particularly well thought of by the family of The Deceased.   Sonny is disliked entirely and Youngest is almost level with her brother in that regard. 

And both of them were going to be at the funeral.

While I was reasonably sure that I had covered all of the basic Thou-Shall-Nots during THEIR Home Trainin', well, you just never know.     

"Please, Lord, keep their hands in their pockets and their mouths closed" was my mantra for the day.    

I posted the following video because sometimes, ya just gotta lighten up.      Even for funerals.