"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."---Mark Twain

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Cat Food And Loaf Bread

My son needed two things from the store:   cat food and loaf bread.

So he struck a trot and went to a little convenience store right behind his home.

He grabbed the loaf bread and a can of cat food, paid, and left.     On the walk back home it dawned on him how that must have looked to the store owner.

The store owner has known my son for a few years now; they are kinda-sorta friends.    When we lost power here due to tornados, he called some of his family who own a motel, and got Son and Girlfriend a very cheap rate for a few days until the power was restored. 

When he went back to the store a few days later, he told the man that the cat food and loaf bread worked out very well, and thanked the man.    Said he really liked the "tuna with the cat on the label".

The store owner was speechless.

I was not.

I flipped out when he told me about it, and asked him why in the world would he let that poor man think he was eating cat food sandwiches????

I have a what-in-the-Hell-is-wrong-with-you-boy tone that is pretty darned good, and I have made grown men cringe with it.     I've had lots of practice thanks to this boy.

I stop in there from time to time, they KNOW I am his mother, and it's a piss-poor reflection on ME.

What kind of mother would let her child live on cat food and loaf bread??????   

Other than my mother-in-law?? 

My Boy explained it this way:     "I run out of cat food and bread all the time.    I don't want to drive all the way to the grocery store for two little items.    If he thinks I'm eating cat food with loaf bread, he'll keep those two items in stock."

Brilliant!   A little bit disturbing, but brilliant!

When he borrowed a mixing bowl from me, I nagged until he brought it back.      I opened my front door to see him wearing it like a helmet.    One of my son-in-laws was with him grinnin' like a loon.
Yes, he HAD worn it all the way to my house and I snatched him through the door before my neighbors could see it.

He went with me to the grocery store and we had a decent enough time.    For a trip to the grocery store, that is.
Going back to the truck, he starts swatting at something I cannot see.   I thought it was gnats, The Bane Of The South.

He starts spinnin' around in circles, swatting the air, screaming "MAKE THE BAD BATS STOP!!".

Have you ever had strangers give you that sad look?   The one that says they understand that your grown child has problems.   So much sympathy for the poor soul who is his caretaker.    I could see the pity on their faces.    I can also see the grin on HIS face and that makes it worse.

I can't kick or cuss or hit at him because then twenty old folks are going to call 911 on me for abusing this poor young man.    Yes indeed, the parking lot was FULL of spectators.    It wouldn't have been fun in an empty parking lot---you need an audience for this.

He kept it up all the way to the truck.     And laughed about it all the way home.

If you have small children and think you will be as crazy as an outhouse rat before they finally mature, just hang on.    It gets worse the older they get.


  1. Replies
    1. He's a regular laugh riot, Suthern! I have turned three of 'em loose on this world and hope one day to be forgiven for it.

  2. When he borrowed a mixing bowl from me, I nagged until he brought it back.

    My own son had a very bad habit to taking my lawn equipment like the weed eater, shears, rakes, and shovels over to his best friend's lake house. Every now and then the parents of his best friend, a boy named Matt, will offer the two a nice chunk of money to clean that yard up.

    For reasons I have never figured out my son offers to take my lawn equipment from my house over to the second home of another couple.

    Getting my stuff back is a pain as well because my son usually forgets he took the stuff to begin with and I hate yardwork and put it off to the last minute.

    1. I might have asked for the embarrassment here by naggin' about that bowl. It was a good steel mixing bowl that Mama gave me (you know how we girls feel about "Mama" and her stuff). The kids still haven't figured out what happened to my jumper cables or charger, but I have it narrowed down to two suspects. Since my son has come to the age where he has to pay for his own stuff, if he does borrow anything, we usually get it back as soon as he's done.

      Wish we could say that about the other three.

  3. Your son's line of reasoning re: the cat food and the bread is perfect. And disturbing.

    I like it. :-)


    1. A little insanity keeps the world goin' 'round, Pearl! My son has more than his fair share, but he is never boring!