"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."---Mark Twain

Friday, January 17, 2014

Grandma Goofed Up

I'll cop to the fact that I am NOT the greatest Grandmother there ever was.
     I goof up around the grand kids from time to time but so far, nothing really, really horrible.

Mostly, they just have to un-teach a bad word now and then.

Youngest and my grand daughter, Tater, went with me to Wally World.    While we were there I decided to buy a cat toy for Mullet The Minion.

I found a Nervous Tick.    There is a pull ring in the rear of the toy and you pull the string, set it on the floor, turn loose of the ring, and the tick scurries across the floor for about a foot and a half.     It vibrates and hums like crazy.
I thought Mullet might like it but little Tater thought that was The Greatest Toy In The World.      She pulled the string so much and played with it to the point that I believed I would be paying for a cat toy my grandbaby WORE OUT before I could get the thing to the checkout. 

  And yeah, if we break it, we buy it.

She wasn't real happy that Grandma bought Mullet a toy, and not her, because Mullet is the meanest cat in this world and she terrifies ALL of the grandkids.

Two weeks before, I popped for a play castle for Tater, complete with prince, princess, and a horse-drawn coach for her birthday.     I gave her a fantasy toy, and gave the cat a parasite.

Four year olds just don't understand.    

When I got home I took the tick off the card and pulled the string.     It scittered across the floor.

The cat backed away from it.

She watched it "run" a time or two, but all she'd do was pop it with her paw and back away.     It's clear this toy will sit untouched in Mullets' toy box.

It wasn't expensive; it costs just a couple of bucks.        I could still give it to Tater because it was still clean and the kid LOVED it.

Later that night Mullet was stretched out on the bed with me and Hubs.   I had an idea............

I pulled the ring, held the string close to the body of the tick, laid it on the cats' side, and turned the string loose.      It vibrated across her ribs and ran up her body like A Thing Possessed.

Mullet The Minion evaporated.      *POOF*       It scared the Beejeegers out of her.

I gave it to Tater---she wanted it so the three or four bucks wasn't wasted--- and this is where I accidentally messed up.

Tater has just turned four years old and has a small problem with speech.     She mixes her "D" sounds up with her "T" sounds.

She has told EVERYBODY about her new "dick" (insert speech problem here).      Told her mama she LOVED her new "little dick".     Told her daddy too.     And anybody within earshot, including a next-door neighbor.

Yes indeed............my cell phone blew up with "Do you know what YOUR grand daughter did????"       I get that a lot.

I lost several cell phone minutes apologizing between bursts of laughter.     If you laugh during your apology, the apology no longer counts as much.

Mullet got over the Tick Attack, but little Tater is going thru diction lessons because she starts school next term and her mother KNOWS she's gonna get called.

If they ever have a "GRANDMOTHER OF THE YEAR" award you can bet your boots that Slick won't come close to winning.


  1. When my step-bro Steve was that age he had a problem with substituting the letter F for T. Standing on a corner DOWNTOWN on a busy Saturday waiting for the light to change a fire truck came racing down the street.

    Stevie started jumping up and down yelling at the top of his lungs "Look, look Sherry...a fruck. By the time it got closer he was more excited and somehow he lost the r entirely.

    Funny how sidewalks don't open up and swallow you when you need them to and them old biddies had NO sense of humor at all.


  2. Come on now, dont cats have enuff parasites without you adding one? Hubs and you are lucky you wernt clawed while Mullet was escaping.

    Cant take Grandmaw of the year away. You didnt give Tater the speech issue. Something that will go away.