"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."---Mark Twain

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Operation Hairball

I'll admit to possessing a certain amount of Vanity.     I always wore my brown-to-auburn hair relatively long and it was always thick.    I hated to cut it because it took FOR-EV-EEEEER to grow.    It was always wavy but would not hold a curl for Love or Money.    I had my hair burned badly by a perm ONCE.   And just once.

That's how it was through my teens but after a few years of Marriage and  Child Herding I was just happy if I could keep it clean.

After thirty five years of Marriage and Child Herding I no longer give a damn if I have hair or not.

Ladies, if you ever get a chance, go to your stylist and when she asks you what you want, tell her to "shave it and give it a good Turtle Wax."

I rendered my stylist speechless with that one.

I started wearing it super short about five years ago and knew my long hair days were GONE.    I just didn't want to fight it anymore.
     As a back-handed bonus, when my hair is cut really short, it  now curls.    Where was THAT in my early years?????  I don't need gel or styling mousse, just fingers and a bit of water.

I loved it, and everyone said it looked good.    I didn't question the veracity of the comments, just took 'em as compliments and let it go.

Then, there was a very hurtful argument about my appearance.    I vowed to grow it out so long I'd have to part it to sit on the toilet.

I was half-way there after two years.

While lots of women begin to see thinning hair later in life, the fact that mine has gotten thicker just ain't fair.    I could barely get a brush through it in the morning, and my hair was breaking because of the constant use of hairbands.

Prolonged use of bandanas was causing the hair at the front of my head to break, KINK, and stand straight up.    Like I needed THAT.

In two years it's been singed repeatedly, caught in the truck window, pulled by purse straps and seatbelts.    I've trapped a bug or two IN it, and I've shampooed who-knows-what OUT of it.    It was like wearing a knitted wool cap all summer and stayed wet with sweat 24/7.    And if your hair is wet with sweat, your head smells.

When my headphones (not ear buds, HEADPHONES) got hopelessly tangled up in my hair AT WORK, well, it was the last straw.
     The removal process was painful but I couldn't very well go to the bank and the utility company with my headphones sticking out of the back of my head and the cord dangling down my back, could I??

I threw in the hairbrush, so to speak.   

I was determined to make a point and I did.    I am one very stubborn ass.    That's the only point I made and the only thing I have proven here with Operation Hairball.

But I ain't no hater, and this is for those who have kept up the fight for Hair Peace:


  1. I definitely dont have that problem for sure. I was thinking there was going to be a cat in thei post somewhere.

    1. "Hairball" was the best description of my head that I could come up with, Suthern. Being owned by a cat, I am an expert on hairballs.

  2. I lost the majority of my hair quite suddenly around the age of 37. Looking back it seems weird but there came a time when I just noticed this huge bald spot on top of my head. It was during that time I was suffering from extreme stress related to my job and family life.

    I've come to accept my hair loss and actually laugh at those desperate to who will pay any price to get it back. That is because I once looked int the "Hair club for Men" and scoffed at the prices.

    I like to travel far more than show off a much of expensive hair that in all likelihood will fall out again.

    1. Beach Bum, one of the saddest things I ever saw was a friend of my husband who could not deal with his hair turning grey. He bought the hair dye, applied it without reading the instructions, and had maroon hair for WEEKS. All so that he could chase chicks of just barely legal age.

      I cannot imagine what he would do if it started to fall out. Maybe staple a squirrel to his head, who knows???

      Some of us prefer a man to just look natural.