"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."---Mark Twain

Monday, July 22, 2013


Today was Office cleaning Day.     Yay me.

I knocked off a few chores, then retired to the back steps for a smoke.

If you get to the office early enough you can catch sight of Fur Neighbors.    So far I've logged rabbits, foxes, and a decrepit looking coyote.    Supposedly, there is a panther in the woods nearby, but I don't hold any hope of seeing it.

While I'm sitting there, something ran out of the cotton field behind the office.

I couldn't tell what it was, but it was moving almighty fast and headed straight for ME.

I was charged by a huge possum once and it ain't a good feelin'----you don't forget it.  

 From my angle, coupled with bad eyesight, I  couldn't see what was about to end up in my lap.

Hoping to pull it up short---whatever IT was---I yelled at it.  

The front end came to a stop but the rear swung around...........it was a cat!

Just a gray-striped cat.    It went back into the cotton just as fast as it had emerged.

My ex-father-in-law was sitting on the ground leaned back against a fallen tree.    He was in the woods doin' some still huntin' for squirrels.

He heard something running through the woods and it was making a lot of noise, but he couldn't see it.     The thing sounded like it was pretty big and it was tearing up the world.

It kept coming closer and closer, and when he realized the critter was almost on top of him he grabbed for his rifle. 

A house cat busted through the brush, saw my father-in-law, and applied the brakes.     He slid across the ground in a cloud of leaves and pine straw all the way to my now unnerved FIL and his nose almost hit the end of the gun barrel.

That ended that trip.   He never did care much for cats.

Two years ago, in the wee hours of the morning, my oldest daughter went to the bathroom.   

She's a big girl now, and can go potty without a light on.  

I'm glad---she's thirty years old.

It's pitch black in her house.    Nobody is awake but her.   Hubby is snoring, her daughters are asleep; all is well.   She is still on the commode in a drowsy sort of stupor.

The cat that was perched on the toilet tank hadn't let it's presence be known throughout the entire process.

Until it sneezed on the back of her neck.

The sound of the sneeze right behind her head and the cool misting of the bare neck with cat snot catapulted my daughter off of the toilet.

NOBODY is sleeping now!   You can't sleep with all that screamin' and swearin' goin' on!

My daughter says that she was just happy to be sitting where she was sitting when the cat sneezed.

I just wish I had been sitting on a toilet when she told me about it.


  1. I remember... oh hell... nothing in all of my wild adventures tops the cat on the back of the toilet story. Touché!!! LMFAO! I only wish I had been sitting on the toilet when I read it!!!

    1. WELCOME PATRICK!!!!!! I am so glad you liked it! I nearly had an accident when she told me about it! She had an old fashioned tile bathroom at the time and I'll bet the scream coupled with those acoustics was AMAZING!

  2. LOL!!! That was some of the best writing I have read in a long time. I could totally see the reaction to the cat's sneeze.

    1. Why, thank you, Beach Bum! I can picture it in my mind just as if I had been there! I've heard her scream before and I kinda feel sorry for the poor cat! When she exploded off of the seat, it had to scare the cat half to death!