"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."---Mark Twain

Sunday, October 27, 2013

This And That

I could probably get six different posts out of the last several days.    I certainly tried.     But couldn't quiiiiiiite get there.     I shit-canned several attempts, in fact.

Here's the Condensed Week:

I had started a Dead relatives Collection.    Gonna climb the Ol' Family Tree.     I took copious notes on everything I could grab at the time.     I have family names written on a piece of foil-backed paper that was in a cigarette pack.    You can pen an awful lot of garbled info on a used envelope.    Maybe you can decipher it later.    Maybe not.
     It took three afternoons to straighten that out and if I actually find a solid branch on my family tree, I may hang myself from it.

We got smacked when a service truck, driven by a buddy and former biker Brother, backed into our truck at a diner.    You don't realize just how big some of those things are until it's shoving you backwards.    Red lights the size of dinner plates.
     He never knew he hit us and just drove off.     Just a small gash in the thin rubber strip that runs the length of the bumper.    If you have to get hit, that's the place for it.    No real damage to our truck or me.    It isn't worth costing a man his job---and it probably would---and we know he didn't do it on purpose. 

Lots of fun with wildlife since I posted last.    Got to see a King snake try his luck with an Indigo twice his size.    I spotted this little piece of The Circle Of Life in a drainage ditch and we stopped to watch.     He wrapped around the tail of the snake and everything else he could use for leverage, but the Indigo just drug him, debris and all, up the bank of the ditch.
     When the Indigo finally slithered out of the King snakes coils, we went back to the truck and surprised a water moccasin.    That was all of Mother Nature that we needed for the day.

Praying Mantis's took over the plant where T-Bird works.    They were everywhere and I cannot stand the things.    I'll take snakes any day over a Praying Mantis.
     Grandma said that they chew tobacco and if they spit it in your eye YOU'LL GO BLIIIIIND!!!!    A bald-face lie that kept me from killing her mantises (because I didn't know how far one could spit and wouldn't get close), and since the horrible creatures were in her flower bed, I was not.    Two points for Grandma, and a phobia for me.

Hubs had a mouse that insisted on climbing up his pants leg at work.    He felt something on his leg and looked down to see a mouse climbing up to his lap.
    The resulting swearing and stomping fit had the old man that shares the office with my husband almost falling out of his chair laughing.     The mouse got away.
    A couple of days later the mouse goes for it again.    More swearing and stomping.    Score two for Speedy Gonzales and now the older man is crying with laughter.    His wife passed away recently and this has been the most fun he's had in three years.
    When T-Bird caught him in the trash can he thought he was gonna put an end to this trespassing vermin.    Nope.    Mousie: 3....T-Bird: Zip.
    T-Bird scrounged a trap from somewhere and baited it with cheese and peanut butter crackers.    He can bait me up with 'em, why not a rodent?
    He got robbed TWICE.    Vermin: FIVE.    Human: Big fat NOTHIN'.
    He baited it the third time and placed it in the trash can, shut off the lights and went home.
     GAME OVER.    Darn shame too.    Me and the old man were having a ball with this mini war.

Taking Daddy to Warner Robins for an eye surgery was a regular hoot.    To say that I am not the person for this job is a massive understatement.    While I love my father, I hate driving, and I really hate driving anywhere but this One Horse Town.    In all Honesty, there are intersections HERE that scare the starch outta me.
     I did it, but it wasn't pretty, and my apologies to the City Of Warner Robins.....

I accidentally figured out how to cook my stew meat for beef stew.     I have never managed to cook it as tender as I would prefer.    Here's how I finally did it:
      Thursday was a regular Bitch of a day, and after work I bought everything I needed for a big pot of stew.    It's getting cold so it's time for soup, stew and chili.    Break out the big pots.
    I ran home to get it started, but realized that I had forgotten the roast.    It's not beef stew without the beef, so I went BACK to town, and I was not happy with myself. 
    An hour later I had my stew meat bubbling away in the pot, awaiting spices and veggies, but had to pick my husband up at 5:00.    So I turned off the stove and split for town.
    I caught every single stop light on green, and watched the train clear the tracks well before I reached them.     Didn't have to stop the first time, and let me say that THAT NEVER HAPPENS TO ME.
     Hubby was ready to go and when we stopped at the store I was in and out.
     When we got back home I went to turn the stew meat back on and discovered that I had NOT turned the burner OFF.    I had jacked it UP to HIGH!    Snatching off the lid I saw that I still had water in the pot and it wasn't even scorched.     I could have burned my house down.     I ALMOST burned my house down.    This is the third time I've left the stove or oven on and almost lost my home.
    I suggest boiling tough stew meat on high for about a half-hour before you add the rest of the ingredients.     I don't suggest that you drive across town while you do it.    

Today I am in the grasp of allergies due to ragweed, golden rod, and cotton defoliant.     I will spare you the details, but this is the worst bout of this that I have ever had to endure.

I'll surrender my keys and my stove because I cannot handle either of those and have proven it.     I'll ask Mama to release me from my promise to take care of Daddy because my care-taking skills suck and he may not survive.    

As for The Family Tree?    I'm looking for a piece of rope.........


  1. It's wild how many great blogging ideas die on the vine. Many times I have written a couple of hundred words on some subject, took a break, and when I returned had absolutely no idea what I was so excited about. Have that happen a couple of times and you seriously begin to question your sanity.

    1. Beach Bum! I have flashes of brilliance that I can't wait to post, but after I work on it a while I get the idea that it's not "brilliance", just BS. I tend to confuse the two, apparently.

      There was a post I wanted to do on a particular missing woman but I couldn't do it without foaming at the mouth, so I let that one go. For now.

  2. I've prolly deleted more drafts than I've posted. Very frustrating.

    Sounds like an exciting week. It's what we live for aint it?

    My dad and sis are working on the family tree. I started it several years back and dad got obsessed with it so I let him have it. It has around 20000 names in it now. I did mention obsessed didnt I?
    I am related to King Henry the 1st. Dont bow.

    1. Hey Suthern! Or should I go with "Your Grace"? I haven't managed to climb very far, but so far I can claim one moonshiner and several CSA soldiers. An interesting story about ties to Brian Boru, and according to one DNA test, Nubian blood.

      I've deleted a bunch of drafts myself. My documents folder is full of bright ideas that look questionable after I go back to 'em.

      I could get along without all of the excitement. I'm certainly willing to try.

      I didn't think I'd become obsessed with this family tree but I find that I'd rather dig through this stuff than eat when I'm hungry. It's turned into a jigsaw puzzle, and I never could leave a puzzle alone.