The Dodge And Duck

I swear, I must be slippin'.

I used to be The Queen of The Dodge And Duck.

When somebody would say "See ya later", you would say, under your breath, "Not if I see you first".

I didn't see him first.    I should have, but wasn't payin' attention, and there he was, right in front of me.

An old boyfriend, who wanted to huuuuug.    Oh yes, I want someone to catch me in a clench with one of the town drunks.    I can really pick 'em.

He's harmless but I have ZERO desire to walk down Memory Lane.    It wasn't that much fun the first time.   He was on his beer run for the weekend, and I got the Hell out of the store when he turned his back.   

I wasn't fast.    I was SUDDEN.

When I told T-Bird about it at lunch he told me to go bathe.

Standing in the grocery store checkout line one afternoon, I spotted two old biddies that I didn't want to talk to.    I knew the spiel, and just didn't want to hear it because they were gonna piss me off.
     When the cashier turned to give me my total, I wasn't there.    I had squatted down in the line so I wouldn't be spotted.    The cashier and everyone in line behind me thought that was funny as all-get-out.    The laughter almost gave me away.

While I was going thru my divorce, I ran into my soon-to-be-ex-sister-in-law.    They had come from out of town for a visit, and my daddy had lied to this chick for me once already.
     I was at Wally World riffling thru the shirts on one of those round clothes racks.    I had my head down, checking sizes and prices when another woman walked up to the opposite side of the rack.
     I lifted my eyes just enough to see who it was and my blood ran cold.    We were three feet apart.     If I cut and run, I'm caught.   If I have to talk to her it will end badly.
     I just continued to browse with my head down, and gradually drifted off across the department.

Then, deciding that I didn't need anything that bad, I left the store.    She never knew I was there.

Stealth!     Ninja-style stuff!    Now you see me, now you don't!    The Incredible Vanishing Woman!

I have walked right past co-workers and blood family, and they never knew I was around.

I got caught in front of the video store once by a guy I knew thirty years ago.
     I was wrapping the last few feet of log chain around a grandchild in her car seat----she could give Houdini a run for the money----when I heard a man ask if he knew me.

The answer is ALWAYS "NO".

But when he names your parents and sisters the jig is up.   

I couldn't deny that I knew him, and it took some doing to convince him that we were NOT going on a damned dinner date because my husband would have objections.    I do give him credit for a good try.

I also took mental notes about the truck he was driving.

"See ya later!"

Sure you will, Sport, sure you will...........