A Little Knowledge

As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more mysterious.---Albert Schweitzer

This is what I learned this week:

1. A 105 lb. dog can release enough flatulence into a 5 ft x 7 ft bathroom to make your eyes water. It can have a hang-time of almost one hour.

2. Never take for granted that everybody knows where the birthday party is being held. Someone might drive 9 miles in a gas guzzlin' pickup truck only to arrive at the wrong location. They are aggravated when they have to drive the 9 miles back to town, to a house that was only a mile or two from their own house to begin with.

Sorry 'bout that Son. Mama thought you knew.........

3. That green, blue, and white striped dress might look great on the rack, but every woman knows that horizontal stripes make you look fat. If you are a man wearing that same dress and standing on a street corner, you just look weird. Double that if you are also rather unattractive, dress or no.

4. A 15 month old grandchild who drops her cookie onto the grocery store floor will say "shit" in a rather loud voice. That word will sound much louder if you are standing in the check-out line at Harvey's.

5. Hiding in an Oldsmobile and screaming and lunging at the mockingbird who crapped all over the passenger side of the car while lookin' at its reflection in the side mirror will NOT deter the mockingbird for long. They will come back, fully loaded.    And you just look crazy for sitting in the car yelling at mockingbirds.

6. Husbands who cannot sleep don't like wives who can. And all that snoring just makes them pissy.

7. If you don't open the canopy of an Ercoupe you cannot stand up to climb out of the plane. The sudden collision of the human skull and the canopy will cause a knot to appear on the noggin.

8. Wives who promise not to post about husbands bashing skulls on airplane canopies will go back on their word.

9. You CAN open a bottle of wine with a long screw and a pair of pliers. Cheers!

10. It is possible to drive a truck down a sidewalk just as fast as you can drive it on the road. It wasn't me this time, but when I did it, I drove slower. I was going for a parking space. Got it, too!

Sorry Albert. Sometimes knowledge is as useless as tits on a boar hog.

Except for that bit about how to open a wine bottle with a long screw and pliers.