Fidiots

I thought I was looking at a ghost at first because I would have bet my paycheck that the man was long gone from here.

But, there he was, crouched in the frozen foods aisle diggin' through the bottom of a freezer for frozen biscuits.

How would you greet an old friend that you never expected to see again?   Hug him?    A kiss on the cheek?     Ask about his family?    There was a time when I genuinely loved the man.

That was then, this is NOW.  

I thought about kicking the freezer door shut on his neck and holding it shut until his head froze solid or some Good Samaritan pulled me away from the frozen foods department kickin' and screamin'.

He holds the record for The Biggest Meth Bust in this county, and given the chance, would have sold it to my kids with a smile on his face and Joy in his heart.    He was bringing in thousands of dollars worth of meth so he sold it to someone's kids.

Forgive and forget?    According to my beliefs I have to forgive him, but I've lost too many friends to meth to forget it.    I've "forgiven" him three times now.

When another old "buddy" invited me over to her house to "hoot one", this is actually what I heard:   

 "Come over to my house and we'll smoke a joint on my front porch in the middle of town IN FRONT OF THE WORLD and across the street from the woman who set me up for my recent drug bust in the first place." 

I pointed out that this was a damned bad idea when you considered that she hadn't gone up in front of the judge yet, and if they tested her she'd be positive AGAIN.

She replied that at least they would have to feed her three meals a day, and she'd be away from the grown kids that were running her up the wall.    Two of them are female, and they spend a good deal of time in jail, too.    With her luck she'd end up sharing a cell with one of 'em.

She wants to do a stint on the Buddy System, or set ME up to lessen her sentence.    I'm gonna take a pass.

The band and biker group we hung out with started doin' seriously stupid stuff involving alcohol and firearms and the leader of the group is unstable on his very best day.      Please, whenever possible, mix alcohol, guns, and stoooopid.    
     After a particularly bad fight at the clubhouse my husband told 'em where they could stick it and resigned his post as second in command.    We filed it under "Shit We Don't Need".

Our Rogues Gallery includes dopers, drunks, skanks, cheaters, thieves, at least TWO psychos, hopeless neurotics, those who are stuck on stupid, and one male prostitute/snitch.


Sooner or later, you have GOT to do the freakin' math, and I strongly suggest SOONER. 

I did, and have the answer.

Almost every single person that we hung out with in The Real World is a fuckin' idiot.

"Fidiot" for short.

And we were fidiots for bein' with 'em in the first place.   

"Recluse" sounds better than "fidiot" and I do believe it's safer.