Green Mambas In Georgia

My husband went through a period of Pure Hell several years ago.    To combat nervous jitters, he started gardening.

This is something I would have never believed.      I could see him losing his mind and growing weed, but taking over the fenced-in privacy area and planting all sorts of stuff that you can't smoke simply wasn't HIM.

When he put in the water fountain I was sure the cheese had slipped off of his cracker.    We gathered and trucked rocks for two days to get this thing like he wanted it.  

Whatever it took to keep him occupied and off of the news channels.   "Today, a man in Georgia went on a rampage, taking an entire county with him.    More at eleven."

Before it was finished, we had a huge rocked-in fountain, banana trees, all sorts of plants planted here and there, and several hanging baskets that he tended religiously.     He did a wonderful job and I was impressed.    It was very nice.     We spent a lot of our time together in his garden while he decompressed.

Then The Fateful Day arrived...........

While my Basket Case is watering his hanging baskets, he was struck by a green mamba.

Did you know that we have these things in Georgia?

Just as the cold water hit one of the baskets, a green blur shot out, and hit him right smack in the middle of the forehead.  

And it stuck there. 

He is going to die and he knows it.    Very few people survive a mamba strike.    He grabbed for the snake, and flung it. 

I found one at the office last week in a garbage can and got this pic of The Deadliest Viper in the state:

Oh yeah.   He freely admits that he screamed and ran like a little girl.    He threw the hose, threw the frog, and LEFT.   He told me it took him a minute to get his stuff back together and if he had thought about his anal sphincter just once he would have pooped in his shorts.

Yes.   I laughed until I cried.   This is a character flaw and I'm workin' on it.    Really.

The hanging baskets are now gone, the fountain was given to one of the kids, the rocks (all three tons) were pressed into service to bolster the dirt by the ditch pipe so the driveway would stay put, and the only thing green in the privacy area is grass, cut painfully short once a week.    Whether it's needed or not.

Keeps the mamba population down, you understand.

"Sext Me"

No, don't.    Really.    Those words are in quotes for a reason:   they ain't MY words.

Those are the words plastered across the kick drum head, along with the ex-drummers' cell phone digits.     He's young and good-lookin' and it's likely he gets "sexted" frequently.   

That's the thing these days.

When my son got a picture message at work he didn't even think about it before he opened the file.    He thought it might be something from his girlfriend or family, and he didn't check the number it came from.

Weeeeellllll, it was certainly female.    No face was showing, but, yep.......female.

It wasn't HIS female.

Not exactly sure how to deal with this, he sent her a reply.    Chivalry calls for a man to respond to a lady.

"Thank you!   Very nice.   Nice pic.   I don't believe I know you."

In just a minute or two.........

Lots of OMG and "I'm so sorry" and obvious embarrassment lit up on the cell phone.

She has taken a picture of her, uhhhhh, Happy Place, typed in the wrong number, and hit send hoping to thrill her Baby, and "thrilled" MY baby by mistake.

Back in my day..............

Makes ya think of old folks, don't it?    You know, the ones who talked about all that old crap from Yester-year and talked it all the time?     

*shudder*  

I've reached the age where I can say I had a "Day".   

Meaning a "way back when".

Well Hell.....

Back In My Day if you could get your hands on the physical proof of your stupidity, you could dispose of it, praying that there were no copies or negatives.

Move out of state if you couldn't...........

I was always scared that something I did that was stupid would get back to my parents.     I still did my fair share of Stupid, but The Fear Factor stopped me for the most part.

Today you can do Stupid digitally before you have time to think it out, and fling it to the masses.

Good luck getting that back. 

The lady in the story could take comfort in the fact that she got big points for photography and subject matter from a factory full of men who all swear they Ain't Gettin' Any, and appreciated her efforts.

If Chivalry isn't dead, it's bleeding badly.    

 Ladies, if you take that pic please double check that number!

I reserve the right to critique any and all sexts accidentally or intentionally sent to me, so guys, you might wanna check the number before you hit send, too!

I Brake For Geese

Had to brake for the flock this morning, and they take their own flocking time getting the flock out of the way.

I can't be sure, but I thought I got a "Flock you" when I pulled up close to get a shot.